Oh, no. Luffy immediately busts out laughing at the pun, because he is also just the worst (but maybe in the complete opposite direction.)
He doesn't have many thoughts about economics or fair labor distribution, himself, mostly because the closest thing he got to schooling was his Grandpa showing up to knock him sideways every now and again and calling it Marine training. That all sounds reasonable to him, though. Why work for other people when you can work for yourself? Pursue your own dreams, etc?
Luffy plants his fists on his hips, a very serious thinking posture. He regards the Merry and her shoddy patches for a moment, then Mikhail for another. The vibes coming off him aren't like crystal clear to Luffy yet, or anything, but this seems like one of those things that's happening for a reason. There's a guy who knows what none of his crew know, who just so happens to be out here alone and admiring his ship?
He doesn't believe in fate or anything. You can't be truly free if you're fated, if everything's decided, before you start. But he does believe in things working out a lot of the time if he lets them.
"You're funny! I like you." Three sentences in and apparently he's sold. "You should join my crew! You'd definitely be the only shipwright around." In case that wasn't abundantly clear already... "And we've got a cook! He's the best in the East Blue." Come for the free Michelin Star food every day if nothing else, Mikhail!! (Why yes, Luffy did recruit someone to make him food before bothering with someone who could actually keep him afloat on the ocean.)
Mikhail's smile doesn't quite slip away, but he does pause to give Luffy an odd look, both bemused and amused. It's the look of someone who doesn't quite know how to take that kind of straightforward enthusiasm at face value, but also can't process the idea that anyone could invite a complete stranger to his crew without any sort of hesitation. What kind of weirdo...
Unless... ah, it's another joke! That must be it. Mikhail sweeps his fingers through his hair and laughs again.
"Do I look that desperate for a gig? I'm not that easy to buy out. C'mon, you can make a better offer than that. How abouuut... hm, you got any beautiful babes on your crew?" He doubts any woman would be sailing on a ship that looks like it's about to fall apart, so he confidently snaps his fingers and follows up with: "If you do, I'll definitely join."
Congrats, Luffy: you've just met Sanji but a million times worse.
Luffy is about to reflexively say no (so sorry, Nami!!), because he doesn't really think about things like that, but then Mikhail makes his foolish declaration and Luffy suddenly finds himself actually thinking before blurting out literally whatever thoughts go rattling through the dusty corridor between his ears where his brain probably ought to be.
Come to think of it, hadn't Sanji been waxing poetic about stuff like that just this morning? (And, you know, every day since joining Luffy's crew?) "Sure! Nami is the most beautiful woman in the East Blue." So sorry again, Nami, for doubling up on The Daily Horrors solely because Luffy has approximately zero impulse control. And because he doesn't really clock that sort of thing even when it's literally right in front of his face, of course. "She's our Navigator. And she's really good at stealing." What? That's what had enamored him to her enough to pester into joining his crew, why wouldn't he brag about it to other people!
But he beams, triumphant, and sticks his hand out for Mikhail to shake on it now that he's sealed his own fate. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy!" Luffy is definitely supposed to be keeping a lower profile than shouting his full Government Bounty Name at poor schmucks on the pier who just wanted to make fun of his ship a little bit in peace, but it is what it is. And it is Mikhail's life now, so buckle up, pal. "Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates."
Mikhail's mouth opens. Then closes. Then opens again. This time, he doesn't bother trying to hold his composure steady, his face completely crumbling into incredulity. Like. What? This guy's serious? Actually serious? And he's a pirate? Hell, Mikhail thought this caravel was just an odd merchant ship, because what sort of self-respecting pirate would—
Ah. The Straw Hat Pirates. Now Mik's feeling like the idiot here, not having made that immediate connection between Luffy's straw hat with the hat he'd seen among the latest round of bounty posters that were delivered to the island. He'd even eavesdropped on some of the shipwrights as they grumbled over the news of an upcoming rookie. How did he miss it? It's enough to wound his own ego, and to make him momentarily forget the mention of a beautiful thieving navigator (luckily for Nami. For now).
"You're... kidding me," he finally says, half his bravado gone. He stares at Luffy's offered hand without taking it. "Buddy, you don't even know who I am. How do you know you're not inviting a coldblooded killer onto your ship, huh?"
In spite of himself, he can't help slipping his own little private joke into his words. Mikhail may not have taken part in the slaughters, busy as he was with their ship's maintenance, but he definitely did nothing to stop his old crewmates from indiscriminately killing anyone they came across.
Luffy doesn't strike him as that type of pirate, but that somehow makes the invitation even more confusing and aggravating.
Luffy laughs, gleeful but not mocking, like he thinks they're both in on the joke. He lives for surprising people, and Mikhail looks like he's just had the rug yanked right out from under his feet.
"I have a good feeling about you!" So, he's an idiot. But also, they've already got a coldblooded killer onboard, and Zoro literally made a career hunting pirates before getting unceremoniously drafted onto Luffy's little funtime crew. Luffy isn't worried about it, even though he probably (definitely) should be. Eventually his tried and true tactic of bamboozling the hell out of everybody he wants to keep around him is going to stop working, isn't it?
That's a problem for another day, though. Luffy lets his hand drop, though his face makes it clear he hasn't clocked even a hint of awkwardness in being left hanging. Truly, he is impossible.
Then, because clearly they've settled the matter (they have definitely not done that), he turns back to the ship. Mik's new home, isn't it lovely? "So if we can't use pine, what should we use? Do you know what the rest of the ship is made out of?" It's a beautiful and expensive solid oak boat, even all the planking, which is part of the reason (along with general greediness) that they'd gotten such high estimates at the shipyard. The blessing and the curse of winning the favor of the extremely wealthy woman who gifted it to them. "And where do we get it if you don't work at the shipyard?"
If it were any other crew member of the Torna Pirates, they wouldn't think twice about taking advantage of Luffy's goodwill to steal whatever they can from the Going Merry. And try to kill everyone aboard. They very likely wouldn't have succeeded, but living or dying never mattered to them, which is exactly what had led to their complete annihilation. But the others didn't have what Mikhail now has: a conscience. He still doesn't listen to it all the time, but it's there.
If he spat in Luffy's face and walked away, what would have been the point of his survival?
Still, he's wary now. Monkey D. Luffy is either a deranged psycho, or a cheerful idiot. Considering that whopping bounty of thirty fuckin' million, Mikhail is currently more inclined to believe the former.
"A good feeling..." he repeats under his breath, shaking his head. This is either a strange turn of fortune or karma finally coming to bite him in the ass. The last time anyone ever used the word good in relation to Mikhail was when he was just a child.
Ah, well, it's not like he doesn't already have experience following deranged psychos around.
He sighs and shrugs, scanning the ship. She was definitely built by people who knew what they were doing, that's for sure. But that just makes the shoddy pine-patchwork that much more infuriating to see. How dare they subject such a beautiful vessel to low quality wood.
"Don't worry about the details," he says, flippantly waving a hand. "There's plenty of good stuff around here— I'll just... borrow whatever I need. Leave it to ol' Mikhail— that's me." If he's going to be a pirate again, might as well return to some of his old habits! "The other shipwrights won't mind! Or notice."
Hell yeah, that's what he's talking about!! Luffy whoops excitedly, and gives Mikhail a friendly whack on the shoulder with the back of his hand.
"It sounds like Nami will have competition!" It turns out he's just fine with stealing parts for the ship, even if he originally put up a fight against stealing the ship itself. Who knows why Luffy's smooth little brain works the way it does? "She'll be happy we can keep all the money they get today." Nami tends to worry about their finances, because they're not a crew that actually steals from people usually, so they haven't exactly been swimming in money.
(And there is the small fact that their Captain is a black hole for food.)
But not having to pay for their repairs is going to be a weight off her shoulders, so Mikhail will have that much going for him right out of the gate. And it might even last until he opens his mouth!
Luffy grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet. As much as he'd gotten his heart set on recruiting a Musician next, he's definitely glad he found a shipwright. For the Going Merry's sake, if nothing else. "Will you need help? I'm strong." Listen. He's really bored, Mik! (But do not take him up on the offer, Luffy is the world's least sneaky creature.)
There's no way he'd pass on the opportunity to see what a thirty-million-man can do. Besides, if (when) they get caught stealing supplies, it'd be a nice change of pace to not be the sole target of the shipwrights' ire. Mikhail is always one to make a scene whenever no one asked for a scene, but he gets a feeling that his own theatrics would pale in comparison to whatever Luffy can do.
"Sure, sure. Knock yourself out." With that, he swivels on his heel and starts meandering away from the water and toward the bustle of the shipyard in no real hurry. Everyone's too busy to give either of them a passing glance. For now, they can pass through unnoticed. For now.
"Hey, tell me more about this Nami. ... And the rest of the crew, I guess, if you want." But mostly Nami. Who will come to see that Sanji is, in comparison, the epitome of genteel chivalry when she hears the embarrassing garbage that comes out of Mikhail's mouth. "I used to run with a crew of my own, you know! We made a pretty big name for ourselves."
Luffy immediately follows at Mikhail's heel, cheerfully nonchalant about (or one might say, wholly dismissive of) the fact that they're there to rob the place. All the myriad of dire warnings from his crew to stay on the ship or else have dutifully been forgotten entirely. They won't be mad at him when they find out that he solved their problem, surely!
And boy, now Mikhail has done it. He's given Luffy an opportunity to gush about his very cool new crew. "Haha, okay! Nami is really good at Navigating, and sailing, and stuff. She's going to draw her own map of the entire world too: she already did basically the whole East Blue and now we're going to the Grand Line. She likes tangerines! That's why we've got those trees on board. And she can kick ass with a staff." That's all the important bits, surely! Moving right along: "We met when we knocked over a Marine Base for a map together. That's where we met my First Mate, too. He's our swordsman, and he's gonna be the strongest one in the world someday. He fights with three swords." His tone says: holy shit, right? Cool, right? Mik, be impressed!!! "He's Pirate Hunter Zoro! Or, just Pirate Zoro now." Luffy also laughs like an idiot at his own joke, unfortunately. "And then we met Usopp when we got the Going Merry, he's our sniper." With a slingshot... that's probably an important distinction, but Luffy's not going to bother to make it! So that'll be a fun surprise for Mikhail later. "He makes bombs and stuff too. And he's really good art, and telling stories, and like everything else." This may be a slight exaggeration, curtesy of the future brave warrior of the sea himself. "And Sanji is the cook I was talking about, we're gonna find the All Blue together. Everything he cooks is so good. And he can cook anything! Plus, I saw him kick the hell outta two guys at the same time without dropping a plate of biscuits, once." So, Mikhail is probably getting an idea about what traits that Luffy fixates on in his crew.
Which is probably why he's so excited to hear about Mik's past as a notorious pirate. "Whoa, no way! Who were you guys?" Who knows why Luffy would even ask that, considering he couldn't name more than like 2 pirate crews that he hasn't personally met to save his life, but that's a minor detail. (And also, he's already forgotten the names of half the crews he's kicked the asses of.) For someone who is so obsessed with piracy, Luffy is certainly not who anyone should go to for like... any knowledge on the subject whatsoever. "How come you don't run with them anymore?"
Nami likes tangerines. Duly noted. He makes a mental reminder to himself to go find a bag of tangerines before officially introducing himself to the rest of the Straw Hats, whoever those guys are, who surely aren't as important as a cute lady who sounds like she could whack his head in like a melon with her staff.
But in spite of his brainrot about women, he does listen to the rest of Luffy's explanation. Pirate Hunter Zoro strikes another ping of recognition. Plenty of pirates worth their salt know about that guy, though the Tornans had never personally crossed paths with him. He wants to ask how the hell a Pirate Hunter became a Pirate, but remembers how Luffy had somehow recruited him in less than ten minutes, and closes his mouth to keep listening.
An artistic storyteller rings familiarity. Akhos had a strong fondness for theatrics and screenplays. In another life in which Akhos hadn't ended up becoming a terrorist-slash-pirate, he might've been a playwright. In that regard, though Mikhail isn't even aware of it himself as of this moment, Usopp might somehow actually end up being his favorite person on the crew.
As for Sanji... that disastrous encounter is yet to be determined. At least Mikhail knows how to appreciate a good meal. And a good fighter.
He tucks all that information away for later. The most important thing (after stealing stuff for the ship) is finding a bag of tangerines!
"The Torna Pirates... disbanded," he ways, with an exaggerated air of ambiguity. It's not that he's ashamed of their defeat. They all died fighting, albeit like rabid wounded animals, but describing who had slaughtered them all would only make him choke on his own anger.
"It happens all the time! Even strong crews like ours was are never the strongest. There's always a bigger fish out there to eat the little ones, especially on the Grand Line." The implication of their defeat, rather than the lie of a disbandment, is deliberately subtle.
"So I've gotta wonder, what're you gonna do if you ever have to go toe-to-toe with an impossibly big fish?"
He'd have been more blindly confident just a few weeks ago, but after the disaster (that still somehow worked out for them) of meeting Mihawk, Luffy thankfully doesn't blast out something egotistical and stupid.
Instead he tucks his hands into his pockets as they walk, looking thoughtful. Despite his general demeanor, he does manage to catch the implication of Mikhail's vague answer, though for a moment it doesn't sink in because it's so alien to him. Luffy basically never considers the possibility of really actually losing, of facing anyone who could make him give up no matter how strong they are, it doesn't fit into his worldview so early into his journey. No matter how badly he gets beaten down, he finds a way to stand back up and fight another day, always.
And if he doesn't, someday, then he thinks he'll have lived how he wanted anyway with the time he did have, and that's enough for him.
"Find a way to get stronger," he eventually answers. It's definitely simplistic, but simple usually works for Luffy, so he hasn't really been pushed out of that comfort zone quite yet. "And even the biggest fish have weaknesses, you just have to hold on long enough to find them." Like Arlong, a man barely phased by Luffy's hardest punches, who could be tricked into doing most of the work of dropping a building down on his own head.
Mikhail will find out on his own how good Luffy is at punching above his weight class and somehow coming out on top regardless soon enough, because: "Anyway, we're gonna have to be the strongest someday, because we're going to find the One Piece, and I'm going to be King of the Pirates." Luffy grins blithely, like he hasn't been told how stupid that goal is nonstop since he started carelessly announcing it to everyone he meets. Never mind that that's definitely something he should have mentioned before recruiting the poor guy, so sorry Mikhail. "How about you? What do you want?" Yes, it is time for the dreams talk.
The quiet, cynical part of Mikhail seethes resentment at the simplicity of Luffy's answer.
All the other parts, however, wholeheartedly applaud it. Strength for the sake of winning never mattered much to him. Being smart was more important, even if he'd made plenty of stupid mistakes that brought him to where he is now, so the fact that Luffy can make the solution sound so easy boggles Mikhail as much as it impresses him. If only everyone could see things in such a plain fashion! Overthinking things is part of why his old captain failed at being a good captain, after all.
King of the Pirates, though? That's a whole different beast. Not an uncommon thing to hear from upstart pirates, but definitely a bold thing to say so casually.
"The One Piece? Can't believe there's people who still think it's real..." As far as Mikhail is concerned, the One Piece was just Roger's final joke at the expense of the world. Launch entire fleets of pirates and plunge the seas into chaos. Trick a bunch of rookies into dreaming bigger than they should. Truly a fitting legacy for the late King of the Pirates.
"I'm not the kind of guy to go chasing after wild geese." He shrugs. "I guess I want... a cute girlfriend who'll laugh at my jokes! Hah!"
"You're going to feel real dumb when we find it," he laughs, undeterred as he usually is by Mikhail's disbelief, like it's a foregone conclusion. Don't worry about it, he's just manifesting!
About Mik's dream, though... "Well," Luffy tries not to judge. A dream is a dream is a dream (and if Mikhail had said that he wants to find a really big, tasty meal he'd totally understand, even though it's just as small of a thing), and Mikhail can always find a new dream once it comes true. Nobody has to dream about just one thing their whole life, Luffy is pretty sure, even if he personally picked his at the age of 7 and refused to even consider anything else. "I guess we're gonna meet lots of people, I bet you'll find somebody!" He offers Mikhail a friendly pat on the shoulder, and makes a mental note to ask Usopp to give this poor guy some pointers, because their sniper is their crew's expert in that department, sad as it is to say with how new he is to all that.
Either way, once they're close to the shipyard he slows his steps the way he sees Nami do when she's scoping out a situation, taking in all the angles and guessing at escape routes. He's not doing any of that as much as he is just following the motions though, so he asks: "So, what are we doing?" If they were just gonna take the wood with a fight Luffy would have kept walking confidently, but Mik said something about them not even noticing it being gone, so the fearless Captain is definitely going to need some guidance.
Someday, or soon enough, Mikhail will admit he was being sarcastic about his desire for a girlfriend... or Luffy will see that it's a truly impossible "dream", because of Mikhail's unique talent of repelling women the moment a single word comes out of his mouth. At any rate, finding the One Piece is definitely more likely to happen, no matter how many times Mikhail would insist otherwise.
He'll save the rebuttals for later, though. The shipyard isn't big enough to get easily lost within the bustle of people at work. It's also definitely loud, which is to their advantage, but Mikhail has no intention of sneaking around and avoiding detection.
As it turns out, he's as much of a skilled thief as he is a ladies' man: that is to say, he was definitely not the strategist on his old crew.
With a careless pew pew gesture with his fingers, he says: "I distract 'em, you nab 'em. Just grab as much as you can— we can sort out the bad wood from the good wood afterwards."
He said the other guys in the shipyard wouldn't notice the theft. Which, in his mind, would technically be true regardless of what else they would notice.
That makes Luffy's manic grin crack even wider in excitement, clearly Luffy takes no issue with that pedantic distinction.
That's his kind of stealing, anyway! He definitely does not have the learned skill or even deft touch of someone like Nami, but what he does have, is years of experience doing insane smash and grabs with his brothers in the Goa Kingdom. For food (though obviously those were more dine-and-dash flavored), or treasure, or other things that they just couldn't get out in the jungle or Grey Terminal's junkyards. The noble's guards were no joke, certainly not afraid of dealing violently with children, but if there's one thing Luffy was good at (even as a dumb little kid who had no real idea how to actually utilize his bizarre rubber body to its full destructive potential), it was making chaos work for him.
And he's way stronger now, in case this all goes wrong. (He may or may not be hoping it does. Hey, brawls are fun! And now that they've got a shipwright on the crew, they don't have to worry about running away before getting their ship fixed because they started a fight with an entire island!) "Okay! Meet me back at the ship," A beat, and he considers he doesn't actually know if Mikhail is any good in a fight. "Or just scream if you need help." That would definitely make it harder to sneak away with the wood, of course, but if Mik gets killed by a dock full of shipwrights before they leave, that'll defeat the whole purpose of this little shortcut and they'll be back where they started!
Either way he gives Mikhail a cheesy thumbs up, jams his straw hat down harder on his own head to make sure it stays secure, and then... reaches out one impossible long, stretchy arm to grab the top of the insurmountably tall privacy fencing around the fancy-pants shipyard, catapulting himself over it and into the back of the yard where all the lumber not currently in use is stored like a human-shaped slingshot pellet. Godspeed, Mik.
Mikhail lets out a (pointedly) loud scoff at the suggestion that he would scream for help. The only reason he would ever scream is because he's the best damn decoy the four seas have ever seen, and making noise is what decoys do!
He yells after Luffy: "Yeah, yeah! Just try not to get distracted yourself!"
He counts to seven before making his move, casually strolling into the yard with his hands jammed in his pockets, like it's any other day of the week and he hadn't just joined a pirate crew on a whim. The opportunity for a distraction comes in the form of two workers hauling wooden beams over their shoulders: without even trying to be sneaky about it, Mikhail sticks out one foot as they pass him, sending the man in front tumbling hard to the ground.
The rest of it naturally falls into place: the crash of timber, some very loud shouting and cursing, and Mikhail jeering at the guy for being such a klutz, he should watch where he's going, really, someone could have been seriously hurt!
His own Devil Fruit, in comparison to Luffy's, is nothing flashy nor practical. It was a failed experiment in all definitions of the term, whipped up by a fanatic who couldn't hold a candle to Vegapunk's intellect. Most don't even notice the effects of Mikhail's ability with how unremarkable it is. While other Devil Fruit users can harness flames or create shockwaves or turn their own bodies into weapons, all Mikhail can do is hold someone's attention once he has it. No matter what they do, they can't turn away from this buffoon if he simply wills it.
And this is why he truly is, in all likelihood, the best in the world at playing the role of a decoy.
But he probably could have accomplished the same even without that poor excuse of an artificial Devil Fruit. More workers come to gather around the commotion, pissed off by Mikhail's nonchalance and unaware that he has, quite literally, captured their attention. Luffy is free to do whatever he wants without any danger of being caught, while Mikhail is dodging punches and egging on the man he had tripped to aim better.
On any given day Luffy veers wildly between being the most distractible person on the planet, and being a creature of pure single-minded focus to the point of absurdity. Luckily for the both of them, he heeds the warning to not get distracted and he busies himself with his own task instead of following Mikhail's progress as excitedly as he definitely wants to. His new shipwright is fun!
Unfortunately, he still doesn't actually know what oak lumber looks like by sight. He ends up wandering around in the back until someone spots him, half-listening to the sounds of Mik's far off shenanigans to make sure he's not calling for help, so he uses that to his advantage and points across the shipyard to where the commotion has started getting bigger and bigger and just says "whoa, what's going on over there?"
Then he watches in amazement as that actually works and the poor shipyard worker actually starts wandering over to see what Mikhail is up to in an artificial Devil Fruit-induced daze.
In the process, he abandons a pallet jack loaded high with a pile of pre-cut cedar planks (it's not oak but it's another beautiful quality hardwood, because clearly lady luck plays favorites), so even without being sure of what it is, Luffy decides that's good enough for him and he starts tugging it towards the insurmountable fence.
Huh. He hadn't planned things this far. Well... Mikhail seems to be doing a really good job being distracting, so maybe Luffy can just take it out the entrance that the shipwright used? After a moment of waffling, he decides that the worst that can happen is he can get dragged into the brawl that he's pretty sure is brewing around his new crewmate, and he wouldn't actually hate that. Once he gets close enough to the escape route that a mad dash would be pretty easy to execute he bellows: "Hey, we can leave now, I've got— uh," he trails off, finally getting snagged by Mik's powers himself and totally forgetting what the rush is as he watches the chaos unfold.
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He doesn't have many thoughts about economics or fair labor distribution, himself, mostly because the closest thing he got to schooling was his Grandpa showing up to knock him sideways every now and again and calling it Marine training. That all sounds reasonable to him, though. Why work for other people when you can work for yourself? Pursue your own dreams, etc?
Luffy plants his fists on his hips, a very serious thinking posture. He regards the Merry and her shoddy patches for a moment, then Mikhail for another. The vibes coming off him aren't like crystal clear to Luffy yet, or anything, but this seems like one of those things that's happening for a reason. There's a guy who knows what none of his crew know, who just so happens to be out here alone and admiring his ship?
He doesn't believe in fate or anything. You can't be truly free if you're fated, if everything's decided, before you start. But he does believe in things working out a lot of the time if he lets them.
"You're funny! I like you." Three sentences in and apparently he's sold. "You should join my crew! You'd definitely be the only shipwright around." In case that wasn't abundantly clear already... "And we've got a cook! He's the best in the East Blue." Come for the free Michelin Star food every day if nothing else, Mikhail!! (Why yes, Luffy did recruit someone to make him food before bothering with someone who could actually keep him afloat on the ocean.)
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Unless... ah, it's another joke! That must be it. Mikhail sweeps his fingers through his hair and laughs again.
"Do I look that desperate for a gig? I'm not that easy to buy out. C'mon, you can make a better offer than that. How abouuut... hm, you got any beautiful babes on your crew?" He doubts any woman would be sailing on a ship that looks like it's about to fall apart, so he confidently snaps his fingers and follows up with: "If you do, I'll definitely join."
Congrats, Luffy: you've just met Sanji but a million times worse.
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Come to think of it, hadn't Sanji been waxing poetic about stuff like that just this morning? (And, you know, every day since joining Luffy's crew?) "Sure! Nami is the most beautiful woman in the East Blue." So sorry again, Nami, for doubling up on The Daily Horrors solely because Luffy has approximately zero impulse control. And because he doesn't really clock that sort of thing even when it's literally right in front of his face, of course. "She's our Navigator. And she's really good at stealing." What? That's what had enamored him to her enough to pester into joining his crew, why wouldn't he brag about it to other people!
But he beams, triumphant, and sticks his hand out for Mikhail to shake on it now that he's sealed his own fate. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy!" Luffy is definitely supposed to be keeping a lower profile than shouting his full Government Bounty Name at poor schmucks on the pier who just wanted to make fun of his ship a little bit in peace, but it is what it is. And it is Mikhail's life now, so buckle up, pal. "Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates."
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Ah. The Straw Hat Pirates. Now Mik's feeling like the idiot here, not having made that immediate connection between Luffy's straw hat with the hat he'd seen among the latest round of bounty posters that were delivered to the island. He'd even eavesdropped on some of the shipwrights as they grumbled over the news of an upcoming rookie. How did he miss it? It's enough to wound his own ego, and to make him momentarily forget the mention of a beautiful thieving navigator (luckily for Nami. For now).
"You're... kidding me," he finally says, half his bravado gone. He stares at Luffy's offered hand without taking it. "Buddy, you don't even know who I am. How do you know you're not inviting a coldblooded killer onto your ship, huh?"
In spite of himself, he can't help slipping his own little private joke into his words. Mikhail may not have taken part in the slaughters, busy as he was with their ship's maintenance, but he definitely did nothing to stop his old crewmates from indiscriminately killing anyone they came across.
Luffy doesn't strike him as that type of pirate, but that somehow makes the invitation even more confusing and aggravating.
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"I have a good feeling about you!" So, he's an idiot. But also, they've already got a coldblooded killer onboard, and Zoro literally made a career hunting pirates before getting unceremoniously drafted onto Luffy's little funtime crew. Luffy isn't worried about it, even though he probably (definitely) should be. Eventually his tried and true tactic of bamboozling the hell out of everybody he wants to keep around him is going to stop working, isn't it?
That's a problem for another day, though. Luffy lets his hand drop, though his face makes it clear he hasn't clocked even a hint of awkwardness in being left hanging. Truly, he is impossible.
Then, because clearly they've settled the matter (they have definitely not done that), he turns back to the ship. Mik's new home, isn't it lovely? "So if we can't use pine, what should we use? Do you know what the rest of the ship is made out of?" It's a beautiful and expensive solid oak boat, even all the planking, which is part of the reason (along with general greediness) that they'd gotten such high estimates at the shipyard. The blessing and the curse of winning the favor of the extremely wealthy woman who gifted it to them. "And where do we get it if you don't work at the shipyard?"
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If he spat in Luffy's face and walked away, what would have been the point of his survival?
Still, he's wary now. Monkey D. Luffy is either a deranged psycho, or a cheerful idiot. Considering that whopping bounty of thirty fuckin' million, Mikhail is currently more inclined to believe the former.
"A good feeling..." he repeats under his breath, shaking his head. This is either a strange turn of fortune or karma finally coming to bite him in the ass. The last time anyone ever used the word good in relation to Mikhail was when he was just a child.
Ah, well, it's not like he doesn't already have experience following deranged psychos around.
He sighs and shrugs, scanning the ship. She was definitely built by people who knew what they were doing, that's for sure. But that just makes the shoddy pine-patchwork that much more infuriating to see. How dare they subject such a beautiful vessel to low quality wood.
"Don't worry about the details," he says, flippantly waving a hand. "There's plenty of good stuff around here— I'll just... borrow whatever I need. Leave it to ol' Mikhail— that's me." If he's going to be a pirate again, might as well return to some of his old habits! "The other shipwrights won't mind! Or notice."
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"It sounds like Nami will have competition!" It turns out he's just fine with stealing parts for the ship, even if he originally put up a fight against stealing the ship itself. Who knows why Luffy's smooth little brain works the way it does? "She'll be happy we can keep all the money they get today." Nami tends to worry about their finances, because they're not a crew that actually steals from people usually, so they haven't exactly been swimming in money.
(And there is the small fact that their Captain is a black hole for food.)
But not having to pay for their repairs is going to be a weight off her shoulders, so Mikhail will have that much going for him right out of the gate. And it might even last until he opens his mouth!
Luffy grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet. As much as he'd gotten his heart set on recruiting a Musician next, he's definitely glad he found a shipwright. For the Going Merry's sake, if nothing else. "Will you need help? I'm strong." Listen. He's really bored, Mik! (But do not take him up on the offer, Luffy is the world's least sneaky creature.)
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"Sure, sure. Knock yourself out." With that, he swivels on his heel and starts meandering away from the water and toward the bustle of the shipyard in no real hurry. Everyone's too busy to give either of them a passing glance. For now, they can pass through unnoticed. For now.
"Hey, tell me more about this Nami. ... And the rest of the crew, I guess, if you want." But mostly Nami. Who will come to see that Sanji is, in comparison, the epitome of genteel chivalry when she hears the embarrassing garbage that comes out of Mikhail's mouth. "I used to run with a crew of my own, you know! We made a pretty big name for ourselves."
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And boy, now Mikhail has done it. He's given Luffy an opportunity to gush about his very cool new crew. "Haha, okay! Nami is really good at Navigating, and sailing, and stuff. She's going to draw her own map of the entire world too: she already did basically the whole East Blue and now we're going to the Grand Line. She likes tangerines! That's why we've got those trees on board. And she can kick ass with a staff." That's all the important bits, surely! Moving right along: "We met when we knocked over a Marine Base for a map together. That's where we met my First Mate, too. He's our swordsman, and he's gonna be the strongest one in the world someday. He fights with three swords." His tone says: holy shit, right? Cool, right? Mik, be impressed!!! "He's Pirate Hunter Zoro! Or, just Pirate Zoro now." Luffy also laughs like an idiot at his own joke, unfortunately. "And then we met Usopp when we got the Going Merry, he's our sniper." With a slingshot... that's probably an important distinction, but Luffy's not going to bother to make it! So that'll be a fun surprise for Mikhail later. "He makes bombs and stuff too. And he's really good art, and telling stories, and like everything else." This may be a slight exaggeration, curtesy of the future brave warrior of the sea himself. "And Sanji is the cook I was talking about, we're gonna find the All Blue together. Everything he cooks is so good. And he can cook anything! Plus, I saw him kick the hell outta two guys at the same time without dropping a plate of biscuits, once." So, Mikhail is probably getting an idea about what traits that Luffy fixates on in his crew.
Which is probably why he's so excited to hear about Mik's past as a notorious pirate. "Whoa, no way! Who were you guys?" Who knows why Luffy would even ask that, considering he couldn't name more than like 2 pirate crews that he hasn't personally met to save his life, but that's a minor detail. (And also, he's already forgotten the names of half the crews he's kicked the asses of.) For someone who is so obsessed with piracy, Luffy is certainly not who anyone should go to for like... any knowledge on the subject whatsoever. "How come you don't run with them anymore?"
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But in spite of his brainrot about women, he does listen to the rest of Luffy's explanation. Pirate Hunter Zoro strikes another ping of recognition. Plenty of pirates worth their salt know about that guy, though the Tornans had never personally crossed paths with him. He wants to ask how the hell a Pirate Hunter became a Pirate, but remembers how Luffy had somehow recruited him in less than ten minutes, and closes his mouth to keep listening.
An artistic storyteller rings familiarity. Akhos had a strong fondness for theatrics and screenplays. In another life in which Akhos hadn't ended up becoming a terrorist-slash-pirate, he might've been a playwright. In that regard, though Mikhail isn't even aware of it himself as of this moment, Usopp might somehow actually end up being his favorite person on the crew.
As for Sanji... that disastrous encounter is yet to be determined. At least Mikhail knows how to appreciate a good meal. And a good fighter.
He tucks all that information away for later. The most important thing (after stealing stuff for the ship) is finding a bag of tangerines!
"The Torna Pirates... disbanded," he ways, with an exaggerated air of ambiguity. It's not that he's ashamed of their defeat. They all died fighting, albeit like rabid wounded animals, but describing who had slaughtered them all would only make him choke on his own anger.
"It happens all the time! Even strong crews like ours was are never the strongest. There's always a bigger fish out there to eat the little ones, especially on the Grand Line." The implication of their defeat, rather than the lie of a disbandment, is deliberately subtle.
"So I've gotta wonder, what're you gonna do if you ever have to go toe-to-toe with an impossibly big fish?"
sorry about how late this is!!
Instead he tucks his hands into his pockets as they walk, looking thoughtful. Despite his general demeanor, he does manage to catch the implication of Mikhail's vague answer, though for a moment it doesn't sink in because it's so alien to him. Luffy basically never considers the possibility of really actually losing, of facing anyone who could make him give up no matter how strong they are, it doesn't fit into his worldview so early into his journey. No matter how badly he gets beaten down, he finds a way to stand back up and fight another day, always.
And if he doesn't, someday, then he thinks he'll have lived how he wanted anyway with the time he did have, and that's enough for him.
"Find a way to get stronger," he eventually answers. It's definitely simplistic, but simple usually works for Luffy, so he hasn't really been pushed out of that comfort zone quite yet. "And even the biggest fish have weaknesses, you just have to hold on long enough to find them." Like Arlong, a man barely phased by Luffy's hardest punches, who could be tricked into doing most of the work of dropping a building down on his own head.
Mikhail will find out on his own how good Luffy is at punching above his weight class and somehow coming out on top regardless soon enough, because: "Anyway, we're gonna have to be the strongest someday, because we're going to find the One Piece, and I'm going to be King of the Pirates." Luffy grins blithely, like he hasn't been told how stupid that goal is nonstop since he started carelessly announcing it to everyone he meets. Never mind that that's definitely something he should have mentioned before recruiting the poor guy, so sorry Mikhail. "How about you? What do you want?" Yes, it is time for the dreams talk.
no worries!
All the other parts, however, wholeheartedly applaud it. Strength for the sake of winning never mattered much to him. Being smart was more important, even if he'd made plenty of stupid mistakes that brought him to where he is now, so the fact that Luffy can make the solution sound so easy boggles Mikhail as much as it impresses him. If only everyone could see things in such a plain fashion! Overthinking things is part of why his old captain failed at being a good captain, after all.
King of the Pirates, though? That's a whole different beast. Not an uncommon thing to hear from upstart pirates, but definitely a bold thing to say so casually.
"The One Piece? Can't believe there's people who still think it's real..." As far as Mikhail is concerned, the One Piece was just Roger's final joke at the expense of the world. Launch entire fleets of pirates and plunge the seas into chaos. Trick a bunch of rookies into dreaming bigger than they should. Truly a fitting legacy for the late King of the Pirates.
"I'm not the kind of guy to go chasing after wild geese." He shrugs. "I guess I want... a cute girlfriend who'll laugh at my jokes! Hah!"
He might as well go run after a goose.
♥
About Mik's dream, though... "Well," Luffy tries not to judge. A dream is a dream is a dream (and if Mikhail had said that he wants to find a really big, tasty meal he'd totally understand, even though it's just as small of a thing), and Mikhail can always find a new dream once it comes true. Nobody has to dream about just one thing their whole life, Luffy is pretty sure, even if he personally picked his at the age of 7 and refused to even consider anything else. "I guess we're gonna meet lots of people, I bet you'll find somebody!" He offers Mikhail a friendly pat on the shoulder, and makes a mental note to ask Usopp to give this poor guy some pointers, because their sniper is their crew's expert in that department, sad as it is to say with how new he is to all that.
Either way, once they're close to the shipyard he slows his steps the way he sees Nami do when she's scoping out a situation, taking in all the angles and guessing at escape routes. He's not doing any of that as much as he is just following the motions though, so he asks: "So, what are we doing?" If they were just gonna take the wood with a fight Luffy would have kept walking confidently, but Mik said something about them not even noticing it being gone, so the fearless Captain is definitely going to need some guidance.
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He'll save the rebuttals for later, though. The shipyard isn't big enough to get easily lost within the bustle of people at work. It's also definitely loud, which is to their advantage, but Mikhail has no intention of sneaking around and avoiding detection.
As it turns out, he's as much of a skilled thief as he is a ladies' man: that is to say, he was definitely not the strategist on his old crew.
With a careless pew pew gesture with his fingers, he says: "I distract 'em, you nab 'em. Just grab as much as you can— we can sort out the bad wood from the good wood afterwards."
He said the other guys in the shipyard wouldn't notice the theft. Which, in his mind, would technically be true regardless of what else they would notice.
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That's his kind of stealing, anyway! He definitely does not have the learned skill or even deft touch of someone like Nami, but what he does have, is years of experience doing insane smash and grabs with his brothers in the Goa Kingdom. For food (though obviously those were more dine-and-dash flavored), or treasure, or other things that they just couldn't get out in the jungle or Grey Terminal's junkyards. The noble's guards were no joke, certainly not afraid of dealing violently with children, but if there's one thing Luffy was good at (even as a dumb little kid who had no real idea how to actually utilize his bizarre rubber body to its full destructive potential), it was making chaos work for him.
And he's way stronger now, in case this all goes wrong. (He may or may not be hoping it does. Hey, brawls are fun! And now that they've got a shipwright on the crew, they don't have to worry about running away before getting their ship fixed because they started a fight with an entire island!) "Okay! Meet me back at the ship," A beat, and he considers he doesn't actually know if Mikhail is any good in a fight. "Or just scream if you need help." That would definitely make it harder to sneak away with the wood, of course, but if Mik gets killed by a dock full of shipwrights before they leave, that'll defeat the whole purpose of this little shortcut and they'll be back where they started!
Either way he gives Mikhail a cheesy thumbs up, jams his straw hat down harder on his own head to make sure it stays secure, and then... reaches out one impossible long, stretchy arm to grab the top of the insurmountably tall privacy fencing around the fancy-pants shipyard, catapulting himself over it and into the back of the yard where all the lumber not currently in use is stored like a human-shaped slingshot pellet. Godspeed, Mik.
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He yells after Luffy: "Yeah, yeah! Just try not to get distracted yourself!"
He counts to seven before making his move, casually strolling into the yard with his hands jammed in his pockets, like it's any other day of the week and he hadn't just joined a pirate crew on a whim. The opportunity for a distraction comes in the form of two workers hauling wooden beams over their shoulders: without even trying to be sneaky about it, Mikhail sticks out one foot as they pass him, sending the man in front tumbling hard to the ground.
The rest of it naturally falls into place: the crash of timber, some very loud shouting and cursing, and Mikhail jeering at the guy for being such a klutz, he should watch where he's going, really, someone could have been seriously hurt!
His own Devil Fruit, in comparison to Luffy's, is nothing flashy nor practical. It was a failed experiment in all definitions of the term, whipped up by a fanatic who couldn't hold a candle to Vegapunk's intellect. Most don't even notice the effects of Mikhail's ability with how unremarkable it is. While other Devil Fruit users can harness flames or create shockwaves or turn their own bodies into weapons, all Mikhail can do is hold someone's attention once he has it. No matter what they do, they can't turn away from this buffoon if he simply wills it.
And this is why he truly is, in all likelihood, the best in the world at playing the role of a decoy.
But he probably could have accomplished the same even without that poor excuse of an artificial Devil Fruit. More workers come to gather around the commotion, pissed off by Mikhail's nonchalance and unaware that he has, quite literally, captured their attention. Luffy is free to do whatever he wants without any danger of being caught, while Mikhail is dodging punches and egging on the man he had tripped to aim better.
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Unfortunately, he still doesn't actually know what oak lumber looks like by sight. He ends up wandering around in the back until someone spots him, half-listening to the sounds of Mik's far off shenanigans to make sure he's not calling for help, so he uses that to his advantage and points across the shipyard to where the commotion has started getting bigger and bigger and just says "whoa, what's going on over there?"
Then he watches in amazement as that actually works and the poor shipyard worker actually starts wandering over to see what Mikhail is up to in an artificial Devil Fruit-induced daze.
In the process, he abandons a pallet jack loaded high with a pile of pre-cut cedar planks (it's not oak but it's another beautiful quality hardwood, because clearly lady luck plays favorites), so even without being sure of what it is, Luffy decides that's good enough for him and he starts tugging it towards the insurmountable fence.
Huh. He hadn't planned things this far. Well... Mikhail seems to be doing a really good job being distracting, so maybe Luffy can just take it out the entrance that the shipwright used? After a moment of waffling, he decides that the worst that can happen is he can get dragged into the brawl that he's pretty sure is brewing around his new crewmate, and he wouldn't actually hate that. Once he gets close enough to the escape route that a mad dash would be pretty easy to execute he bellows: "Hey, we can leave now, I've got— uh," he trails off, finally getting snagged by Mik's powers himself and totally forgetting what the rush is as he watches the chaos unfold.